I dropped you at the United terminal tonight and watched in silence as you stood on the curb with a sad look in your eye. I didn't recognize the cause of your sadness, but somewhere inside I felt it. I was sad as well. I wanted to run to you, and hold you close enough to memorize your scent. I wanted to scream out the window "I Love You !". I wanted to kiss you long and tenderly and give you something to remember every minute you were away. There was so much I wanted you to know and to feel, but instead I smiled and quietly whispered "good-bye". My sadness was because you went away knowing nothing of me, remembering nothing of me, and feeling none of me.

I drove to the end of the runway and watched as your tail lights kissed the clouds in the shadow of another perfect sunset. As you headed east, I thought about the colors of fall waiting for you there and how I longed to see them with you. I remembered the last time we were away together and the impact was almost enough to make me chase down the runway. Filled with regret and loss, I stood still, unable to revisit our past or change our present. What if something happened to you and you never came home? What if you left this life time never knowing what was really in my heart? What ever happened to my motto of making the most of today in case there isn't a tomorrow?

Then I thought about the tomorrows, one at a time, until I got to the day you'd be coming home. I knew there would be no joyful reunions for us, instead I was certain of more compromises and words left unsaid. Should I chance to change that? Do I dare make another attempt at reaching out to you and bringing both of us a piece of happiness? I sat back in my car and turned your music up full blast - it helped at first. I could almost imagine it was you saying all the right words. I closed my eyes and remembered when.

If I had seen or felt nothing in my memories, it would have been easy to move ahead and never look back, but that wasn't the case. In the far corners of my heart I remembered it all and while I did manage to move forward tonight, I couldn't let myself forget where we'd been and I couldn't stop looking over my shoulder.